(Richard III, Act 1 scene 1, lines 1-41)
| Now is the winter of our discontent Made glorious summer by this sun of York; And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house In the deep bosom of the ocean buried. Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths; Our bruised arms hung up for monuments; Our stern alarums chang'd to merry meetings, Our dreadful marches to delightful measures. Grim-visag'd war hath smooth'd his wrinkled front, And now, instead of mounting barbed steeds To fright the souls of fearful adversaries, He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber To the lascivious pleasing of a lute. But I -- that am not shap'd for sportive tricks, Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass -- I-that am rudely stamp'd, and want love's majesty To strut before a wanton ambling nymph -- I -- that am curtail'd of this fair proportion, Cheated of feature by dissembling nature, Deform'd, unfinish'd, sent before my time Into this breathing world scarce half made up, And that so lamely and unfashionable That dogs bark at me as I halt by them -- Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace, Have no delight to pass away the time, Unless to spy my shadow in the sun And descant on mine own deformity. And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover To entertain these fair well-spoken days, I am determined to prove a villain And hate the idle pleasures of these days. Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous, By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams, To set my brother Clarence and the King In deadly hate the one against the other; And if King Edward be as true and just As I am subtle, false, and treacherous, This day should Clarence closely be mew'd up -- About a prophecy which says that G Of Edward's heirs the murderer shall be. Dive, thoughts, down to my soul. Here Clarence comes. |
Go York. We kicked some ass. Good time for a victory party. We can de-stress and unwind now, fight's over. Instead of war, we've got chicks, booze, and Dance Dance Revolution. But it ain't all fun and games for me. Oh no, I'm the ugly one. I don't get the chicks. Nature done fucked me up. I'm all bufugly and gimpy. I'm so ugly, dogs bark at me. And now I ain't got shit to do. Can't party, can't get tail, Only thing I can do is think about how damn ugly I am. So ... since I'm not scoring any fine pieces of ass, I'm going to be an evil bastard. Fuck everyone else. I've been plotting and scheming -- I'm the man! -- And now I've set my bro Clarence and the King against each other. The King is such a schmuck. If he fell for it, then Clarence's ass is in jail because I paid Miss Cleo to hint to the King That Clarence (what a name!) wants to kill him. Whoops, here he comes. The game is on. |
This here is one of my most favorite Shakespearean plays, and this speech is incredible when well-performed. Not to be missed is Sir Ian McKellan's performance in the 1995 movie of Richard III, where he starts this speech in front of a microphone at a banquet and ends it in the men's room at a urinal.